


A Blast From The Past

by DetectiveBiggs98



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst and Humor, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Gen, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveBiggs98/pseuds/DetectiveBiggs98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Komui has created a potion that, in theory, should strengthen an exorcists innocence. If this were to work, it would be a huge advantage for the Black Order! Now all he has to do is test it. But, he ends up slipping and spilling the entire vial on Miranda, thus sending her innocence spiraling out of control. When Lavi, Kanda and Lenalee awaken they find themselves... Seven years in the past?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stranded

“Get that away from me!!” Lavi cried, scooting backward on his hands and feet.

Komui towered over him; a devilish grin spread across his face. “Just try it! It’ll help, _honest!!”_ He shoved the vial towards him, the black liquid fizzing up as though it were carbonated.

Lavi pushed it away with his free hand, the other keeping him steeled in place. Komui was surprisingly strong and--oh god, were those bubbles shaped like skulls!?

“Like hell, I’m drinking this!!” He snapped, desperate tears pricking the corner of his visible eye. He shoved back with enough force to send the vial slipping out of both their grips. It sailed across the hallway, landing promptly into Allen’s hands. Like it was boiling to the touch, he immediately yelped, and tossed it into the air again.

“My precious creation!!” Komui wailed, rushing after it.

Lavi used the wall to help him stagger to his feet. “Allen, take one for the team!!”

“Huh!? No way!!” He retorted, head snapping around to glare at him. “I had to last time--you take one for team!!”

Lavi was too busy trying to get Allen in a headlock, for ah, sacrificing purposes, that he didn’t see how it happened. Just heard a startled shriek.

They both froze, Allen shoving Lavi’s face away, and Lavi’s arm wrapped around his neck. They looked at each other, then bolted to the corner.

On the other side, a small group had formed.

Komui had been power driven into the wall at this point, Lenalee’s handiwork if he had to guess. She was crouching beside Miranda, Kanda lingering several feet away with a scowl. Glass shards were scattered along the floor and Miranda’s lap, an inky fluid dripping from the ends of her hair.

It didn’t take him long to deduce what had happened.

“Miranda,” Lenalee exclaimed. “Are you alright!?”

“Y-Yes..” She moaned, then seemed to collect herself. Her sunken eyes shot wide with realization, and she bowed her head. “I-I’m so sorry!! So sorry, so sorry!!”

Well, this was an interesting development. Lavi skipped over to them, the corners of his mouth curling in a smile almost as devilish as Komui’s had been. “So, how about it, feel any different Miranda?”

“Lavi..” Lenalee shot him a warning glare.

He took a step back. Whoops. Shouldn’t push it.

Miranda didn’t seem to mind. She sat straighter, running her fingers through her sticky hair. “Ahh... I do kinda feel faint..”

Then it happened. It was all a matter of horrid timing, really.

Lavi had taken her hand to help her up, Lenalee still fretting at her shoulder, Kanda clucking his tongue and starting to walk passed. As his foot hit the floor beside them, and Miranda’s bent knees began to straighten, her eyes shot open, releasing a blinding light. The same light erupted from her mouth when she released a strangled cry.

“Ah! Miranda!!” He heard Allen yell from somewhere far off.

She swayed on her feet, and all three made an attempt to catch her.

The light stretched farther upon contact until they’d been enveloped in a giant ball. Grandfather clocks with the same permeability as ribbons threaded through the bright cocoon, and he could’ve sworn he heard a faint _tick-tock, tick-tock._

“M-Miranda!!” Lenalee yelled, face two shades too pale. “Deactivate your inno--”

Her words were lost as the entire room spun and spun until he couldn’t remain standing any longer. Darkness dotted his vision, steadily growing wider and wider until it had engulfed everything.                                                    

* * *

 

The sky bore over him, a lifeless shade of gray. Smoke from a factory clumped together where the sun should’ve been, slowly leaking into the clouds. Birds fluttered by, their wings slapping the air with such friction, the noise created reached his ears.

Must’ve taken a nap. Yawning, he pulled his arms behind his head. But, when his elbow hit something soft, he stiffened. That wasn’t right.

Beside him, a girl was sprawled out on the... cobblestone? Knees at his head, bangs covering her eyes.

For a dull moment, he wondered how ‘Lavi’ would react. Would he freeze up? Crack a joke? Become frantic? Yeah, the last one sounded like ‘Lavi’. After all, he cared deeply for his comrades.

“Lenalee!!” He bolted upright, shaking her until her eyes fluttered open.

“Hmm?”

A wave of relief swept over him, and he leaned back on his haunches. Okay, so maybe some of that concern had been real. He frowned deeply at that. Probably, not a good sign.

“What’s wrong?” She mumbled through a stifled yawn. “What’s going on..?”

“Dunno,” He lied, sheepishly rubbing his neck to _really_ sell it. “Just woke up here.”

By the looks of it, her lunatic brother’s little ‘helpful potion’ had sent Miranda’s innocence out of whack. Must’ve warped them somewhere, and since her innocence rewound time, his conclusion could only be that place was...

Well, somewhere certainly interesting. The old panda was gonna love this.

As the bookman’s apprentice, he was very intrigued himself, but ‘Lavi’ didn’t care.

“Huh? Ah, Kanda!?” Lenalee’s eyebrows shot up, and she crawled past him.

He turned, finding Kanda leaning against the wall, arms wrapped defensively around Mugen.

“Yuu-kun ~!” He sang cheerfully, warranting a glare sharp enough to shatter glass.

“Stop calling me that. You damn Usagi.”

Lenalee gave them both a stern look. Then she sighed. “Do you know where we are? Last thing I remember, we were at the Order...” She gasped. “Miranda!!”

“She’s not here.” Kanda muttered.

“And Allen!? Oh, and what about my brother!”

Lavi grimaced. Her brother was an afterthought? He’d be in tears if he could hear this. Lavi would be sure to tell him all about it later. Revenge for chasing him around the Order. Although, couldn’t complain when it came to the result.

A snort, “Haven’t seen them.” He practically shoved a folded newspaper into her face. If it had been anyone but Lenalee, he would’ve hit them with it for sure. What a softie.

“And if you want to know where we are, see for yourself.”

Fighting a grin, he scooted closer. So, he wasn’t the only person who’d figured it out. _How cunning, Yuu,_ He hummed inwardly, but outwardly, he feigned curiosity. “What do you mean, Yuu?”

“Don’t call me that.”

Lenalee sucked in a sharp breath, fingers clamping over her mouth. “B-But if this date is right, then..”

Yup. “We’re seven years in the past, and in London no less!” He said, forcing his eye to go wide. The London part he hadn’t deducted yet, but in all honesty, Miranda’s innocence could’ve dropped him in Antarctica for all he cared.

This was going in the archive for sure!

She set the newspaper on the ground, head drooping.

Lavi stiffened, as did Kanda. She wasn’t going to cry or anything... right?

He was starting to reach for her, when she leapt to her feet, causing him to nearly tumble over from surprise.

“We have to make sure the others aren’t here as well! We’ll search the city!!”

Lavi blinked up at her, a genuine smile spreading on his lips as Kanda clucked his tongue, earning a scolding glare from her.

“Well, I dunno about Miranda or your cra--brother,” He affirmed quickly, hiding his near slip up behind a cough. “But if Allen’s here, I’m sure he’ll be wherever the food is.”

“Who cares where beansprout is,” Kanda muttered, not giving any sign of moving.

Lenalee turned to him. This time, Lavi couldn’t see her expression, for which he was grateful. Judging by the faint trace of fear in Kanda’s eyes and his ever-so-paling skin, it must have been terrifying beyond belief.

“You’re coming too.” She marched to the end of the alleyway, shooting them a look over her shoulder. “Well, are you two just gonna sit there?”

Shaking himself from his momentary stupor, he slid the mask of ‘Lavi’ back on.

A wide, cheerful grin. “Of course! C’mon Yuu _-chan!!”_

He barely ducked Mugen’s blade. He felt the ends of his hair slice off with a sickening _slishhhh._ Note to self, no more harassing Kanda.

For the next five minutes.

He scampered after Lenalee, who’d already gone ahead. Most people would be working about now, so it wasn’t crowded. If their friends were here, it shouldn’t be too difficult to locate them. Not that he was helping; his interest was directed in gathering data. He followed her from street to street, scribbling notes in the small journal he always kept on hand. Kanda couldn’t care less what he was up to, and Lenalee was too occupied with her search.

They’d made it several blocks when a small kid bumped into Kanda.

“My bad.” He apologized, before disappearing in front of another gentleman.

Lavi frowned, barely managing to catch a glimpse of the kid despite the lack of people. He faded from person to person like a ghost, and in the end, all he could see was a dirty vest and a scruffy ponytail of ruddy hair.

Did he..?

Lavi stared at Kanda, who pointedly ignored him.

He did, didn’t he?

Oh, this was going to be entertaining.

He waited, letting another hour pass before stopping and clutching his stomach.

“All this walking has helped me work up an appetite! I say, we search the nearest restaurant for signs of Allen! Yuu's paying!”

“Hey!” He snapped, threatening to draw Mugen.

Lavi stumbled out of the way, ravishing in the startled looks this action brought to them. “Woah, woah, calm down Yuu!!”

His face did a weird tick, before morphing into pure rage. “I’ll kill you!!”

“Stop it you two!” Lenalee snapped, “Honestly, can’t you go anywhere without causing a ruckus!?”

“But Lenalee,” He fake pouted. “I don’t have my wallet!”

“Sheesh. I can pa--” Her hand froze in her pocket. “I don’t... I left it in my room..”

Silence.

Then, Kanda, the softie he was, dug a hand into his pocket. “Only this once.”

Lavi drank in every detail. The slight crease in his brow as he gave in, the twitch beginning on the edge of his lips when he realized his wallet was missing, his teething grinding and eyes sharpening when he figured out why that was.

“That little pickpocket!! I’ll kill him!!” He snarled, unsheathing Mugen.

 _If I laugh I die, if I laugh I die, if I laugh I die,_ He chanted to himself, biting his lip so hard he could taste metal.

“What do you mean ‘little pickpocket’?” Lenalee frowned, rescuing him.

When Kanda turned his wild gaze on her, Lavi took the chance to muffle his barely contained snickering into his palm. He was so telling Allen when he got back to the present. Back. To the present. Huh. He hadn’t thought that far.

How were they going to do that?

He considered bringing it up, but since Kanda was already rushing back the way they’d come, he stored the question for later.

“Ah! Kanda!” She yelped, rushing after him.

Lavi counted to three, then chased after them. “Yuu!! Wait up!!”

 _“Shut up!!”_                                

* * *

By the time Kanda finally cooled his head a little and realized racing around the city blindly wasn’t going to help, they were out of breath. More than that, the streetlights were flickering on, signaling the beginning of dusk.

A stubborn mule he was.

Lavi had no regrets. He and Allen would have many weeks worth of jabs when this was all said and done.

A loud huff from Kanda snapped Lavi back to the present. Well, to the past, actually.

Lenalee sat crisscross on the cobblestone, head inclined to the sky. “If we don’t have any money, then where are we going to sleep tonight?”

Oh. The prospect of teasing Kanda had seemed so fun that Lavi hadn’t considered the end result. He had to stop doing that.

Silence engulfed the three, and Lavi felt slightly repentant. Until he noticed a crumpled flyer laying by the curb. He scooped it up, flattening it against his torso before reading.

“Aha!”

They stared at him, an unspoken question brewing in their minds.

“I think I have a solution for that!”

He held it out for them to see.

“The.. Circus?” Lenalee stammered. “How will that..?”

“We can offer to do all the odd jobs to repay them for a nights stay! Me and the old panda have been in a similar situation when we were trave--” He broke off with a subtle chuckle. That was close. He almost revealed too much. “Anyways, I’m sure they’ll be glad to have some extra free hands pitching in, ya know?”

“I guess..” The uncertainty in her gaze cleared a little. “Yeah, it’s worth a try!”

He beamed at her. “Of course, it is! Yuu, what do you think?”

He raised his palms in surrender when he found Mugen pointing at his throat.

“Worth a shot.” He growled. When he turned and sheathed his sword, it was clearly reluctantly.

Still pissed over his wallet. Before the end of the night, someone was going to get it, and that person might just be Lavi.

Praying some circus folk gets testy and receives the wrath of Kanda instead, he lead the way. According to the directions on the bottom of the flyer, it should be just up the block. Turns out, that was a ten-minute walk.

The sky was a deep purple, black clouds and smoke matting over the moon, so their only source of light were the streetlamps. Lavi had no trouble reading, though, and they’d made their way to the field of tents before anything else could go wrong.

“Where do you think the owner would be?” Lenalee said thoughtfully.

“You mean the Ringmaster?” He chuckled. “In the main tent, probably. And that would be...” His index finger circled each tent, settling on the largest. “That one!”

A crowd was filing out, signaling they’d just missed the show. That was for the best anyways. Made it easier to charm their way in if everyone was exhausted.

They were nearing the largest tent when a loud yell stopped them in their tracks. It took a minute, but he managed to pinpoint the source.

A clown dressed in all white was standing in front of a tree, his foot repeatedly slamming into the roots. No. That didn’t seem right.

He edged closer, ignoring the annoyed glare Kanda shot him.

Closer and closer, until he saw a small figure curled in on itself.

Ruddy hair, check

Ponytail, check.

Vest, check.

“Looks like we’ve found your pickpoc--”

Kanda surged past him, stubbornly slamming into his arm.

“Ah, hey, Yuu!”

Without a word, Kanda grabbed the clowns shoulder, spun him around, and smashed his fist into his face.

Ah, thank you, God.


	2. A little enigma

* * *

“I know you have that watch!!” The Ringmaster cried. “You damn hooligan!”

Red glared up at him, tiny fist clenched tightly at his side. “I ain’t got no watch!!”

“How dare you lie to me, you worthless brat!!” He yelled, smacking Red so hard he was knocked to his hands and knees. “Cosmos said he saw you take it!!”

From the background, Cosmos grinned and shoved a hand in his pocket. When it resurfaced, a golden watch was swinging above his disgusting smug face.

Red gritted his teeth. That rotten bastard!!

“I will not tolerate petty thefts in my circus!” The Ringmaster carried on, oblivious. He brought his cane around, whacking Red several times in the ribs. “Who was it that allowed you to stay despite your uselessness!?”

He didn’t want to say it. But, he knew if he didn’t, he’d be abandoned. “Y-You Ringmaster.”

“Who was it who insisted on doing the odd jobs!?”

“..Me.”

“That’s right!” One final blow to his side and the Ringmaster backed away. “Honestly, I spent so much money buying you! You can at least earn my capital back rather than cost me more money!”

Red tried to ignore the throbbing in his ribs and side as he sat up.

“I expect you to retrieve that watch from whatever dark corner you stashed it, and return it to me by tomorrow morning!”

There was no point in arguing. “Yes, Ringmaster.”

On that note, he turned, and stomped off, muttering something beneath his breath.

Red staggered to his feet.

“Give it to me, Cosmos.”

He earned a sneer. “Why should I?”

“Just give it!”

He lunged for the watch, which was now hanging out of his pocket, but was easily swatted aside.

“You really are useless!!” He taunted, kicking Red in his injured side.

Having little to no fat on him, Red was sent rolling outside the tent. Cosmos grabbed the collar of his shirt, yanking him into a secluded spot, then punched him in the stomach.

Nausea rolled over him in waves, but he ignored it, charging Cosmos.

He was once again batted aside like a ragdoll. With his paralyzed arm and scrawny build, he was no match for an adult.

It was fine. He’d gotten what he wanted anyways. He curled in on himself, hand tucked against his stomach.

The kicks were relentless. Two to his side, three to his ribs, one to his head. He lost track of time as his body grew number and number.

 _This is where I’ll die,_ He thought weakly. Unshed tears stung his eyes. _No, I don’t want to die._

Just as his vision began to fade, Cosmos was jerked away from him. A fist met his face, sending him rocketing into the tent’s cloth.

Then, a man crouched in front of him, a long ponytail draping over his shoulder. He opened his mouth, forming words Red couldn’t quite make out, then the world went black.

* * *

 

“Is he alive?” Lavi frowned, peering over Kanda’s shoulder.

The kid was curled into a tiny ball, blood dripping from his nose, visible arm riddled in blue and purple blotches.

“He’s breathing.” He snorted, pulling away with his wallet in hand. He was still scowling, but much softer now that some of his aggression had been spent.

“Kanda!!” Lenalee yelled, making him jump. “He’s really hurt!”

Lavi fought down a grin. Kanda’s fear of Lenalee was always a viable source of entertainment. Couldn’t blame him, she could be pretty scary.

Lenalee dropped to her knees beside the kid, slowly pulling him onto her lap. “We need to get him to a doctor.”

Kanda’s eyes relayed exactly what he was thinking: ‘Why should I spend my money on a doctor for some brat who robbed me!?’, but aloud, he just clucked his tongue.

That was a good enough answer for Lenalee. She rose, the battered child cradled in her arms. “Let’s go.”

Lavi noticed his fist was bunched around something, but he couldn’t tell what. He didn’t have time to investigate either because Lenalee was already beelining for the road. “We’ll call for a carriage.”

Kanda was the first to follow, reluctance clear in every step. Lavi glanced at the clown one last time. He’d passed out, the white paint on his face smeared off where Kanda had slugged him. As if that wasn’t funny enough, it was in the shape of a fist print. Serves the jerk right! If only he had a camera!

With a jolt, he realized they were climbing inside a carriage. He had to sprint to catch up, and even then it was a close call.

“You guys almost left me behind!!” He whined when he was seated safely across from Lenalee.

Kanda ignored him, choosing to glower out the window, while Lenalee gave him a soft smile. “Sorry, Lavi.”

He immediately forgave her.

Slouching in his seat, hands in his pockets, foot tossed over his other leg, he wondered if he should bring up the stranded thing. Judging by the way Lenalee was watching that kid, he should probably wait until a doctor had been called.

“He looks.. Kind of familiar.” She murmured after another minute.

Raising a brow, he scanned the kids swollen cheeks and tightly shut eyes. He forced a cheerful grin. “Maybe he’s a future finder!”

Her frown didn’t waver. “Maybe.”

He dared to nudge Kanda’s arm. “What do you think, Yuu?”

Kanda didn’t so much as glance at him. “It doesn’t matter.”

Not the reaction he’d been expecting. Must be worn out.

They spent the rest of the ride in silence. When the carriage pulled over beside a small inn, Lenalee was already getting out before he could sit up.

Lavi dragged behind, taking in the drunk men stumbling outside the inn, the laughter traveling from an open window. Seven years in the past, and yet, things aren’t that different.

A small bell went off when he caught the door, allowing lenalee to go inside first. He gestured dramatically for Yuu as he went past. “And for you milady!”

A growl rumbled in his throat.

Huh, still nothing.

Lenalee was talking to the old lady behind the counter when he walked up, a tinge of desperation in her voice. “--so could you, please call for a doctor?”

“Sweetie, as I said a moment ago, it’s late out. No doc’ will be willin’ ta’ trudge out ‘ere in the middle of the night. I can call for one ta’ come in the morning, but that’s as good as it’s gonna get.”

Lenalee winced, casting the kid a teary look. “But that’s..”

The old lady sighed, long, heavy. Then she set the glass she’d been wiping clean on the counter, resignation written in her every movement. “Tell ya’ what, I can ring up an ol’ drinkin’ buddy of mine, but he’ll charge extra I tell ya’. A damn leech he is.”

She brightened instantly. “Yes, please do!! Thank you so much!”

The lady looked a little startled but gave her a wary smile. “No problem lass.”

With another thank you, Lenalee headed upstairs. Kanda paid for their room then followed, Lavi in tow. Just before the door closed, he heard the old lady sigh again. “Honestly, botherin’ with a waif like that, too kindly they are.”

Lavi frowned. He remembered all the orphaned children he’d seen while traveling with Bookman. Some crying, others staring aimlessly at the ground.

The old panda would always walk past them without a glance: _“We’re just observers.”_

After all the wars he’d seen, he should’ve been hardened to the sight as well. And yet, a heavy weight would settle in his stomach each time. It never went away either, not without a horrible taste lingering on his tongue at least.

_“You are too soft.”_

With the shake of his head, he quickly killed the emotion, returning to his happy-go-lucky facade. “Hey, you’ve been pretty quiet! You sleepy?”

Kanda didn’t respond for several heartbeats, eyes glued to the kid. “His face..”

Lavi blinked, smile vanishing. “Huh?”

Kanda’s expression darkened. “It bothers me.”

Lavi hadn’t expected that. He froze, jaw slack as he watched Kanda walk inside the room. “Scary.”

When he realized he was getting locked out, he yelped and raced after them.

He missed Allen. Allen would never do this to him.

Upon entering, he discovered there were only two beds. One directly in front of the door, the other in a room small enough to be a closet. Lenalee had cracked open the window adjacent to the first one; the kid placed gently atop the mattress.

“Um, so I’m guessing me and Yuu are getting the floor?”

Lenalee settled in the wooden chair she’d pulled beside the headrest. “We can decide who gets what later.”

Lavi sat on the end of the bed with a fake pout. Kanda was still scowling at the kid, with his back pressed against the wall and his arms crossed.

Lenalee frowned at Lavi. He shrugged, then patted the space beside him obnoxiously. “Yuu, wanna sit with us!? Don’t be so shy!”

Any response he may have gotten was lost when the kid began to stir.

“Mmm,” He groaned, eyebrows knitting together.

He tried to sit up, then crumpled over with a hand on his stomach. Surprisingly, not even a whimper escaped.

Lenalee gasped, and leaned over the bed. “Don’t sit up! Lay down, you’re hurt!!”

His eyes shot open, and his head snapped towards the sound of her voice. Then to Lavi, and Kanda. He must’ve recognized them from earlier, because he scooted away until his back hit the wall.

“W-What do ya’ want!? Where am I!?”

“Oh! We’re not going to hurt you!” She said, raising her palms.

“Like I’d believe that!” Wild eyes darted around the room, stopping on the cracked window.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Lavi cried, scooping him up just as his tiny hand touched the windowsill.

“Lemme go!!” He yelled, kicking and flailing furiously. “I’ll give ya yer damn wallet back!!”

Kanda’s glare sharpened, and he finally closed the gap between them, his wallet waving in the air. “You mean this?”

“If ya got the bloody thing back then what more do ya want!?” He snapped, aiming a kick at Lavi’s face. “To torture me? Beat me to a pulp!? If yer lookin’ for a ransom, yer out of luck, cuz--”

“Woah, okay, hold up there kid!” Lavi shifted his grip to the child’s ankles and held him upside down. Bad idea, because he swung around and jabbed a punch right in the center of his stomach. Lavi crumpled, and the kid broke free, lunging for the window again. That settled it--there was definitely something in his hand.

Lenalee shut and locked it. “Alright, that’s enough out of you!”

Not missing a beat, he shot for the door.

With the roll of the eyes, Kanda intercepted, making him skid to a stop.

Lenalee sighed, a smile breaking her mask of disapproval. She crouched just out of arm’s length. “It’s okay, really. We saw you were hurt and decided to take you to a doctor is all.”

“A doctor?” His anger dwindled briefly, something else surfacing. Then it returned twice as fierce. _“Like hell you are!!_ Lemme go!!”

“Children shouldn’t speak like that!” She scolded.

“I can talk however I want, you kidnapping sods! Bloody perverts! Ped--” He broke off into a coughing fit, his clenched fist moving to his stomach.

Lenalee’s frown returned, and she reached out to steady him. He flinched away so hard it startled her too. She drew back, concerned lines spreading across her forehead.

Ignoring the dull throb in his stomach, he knelt beside her. “Hey, so, what’s your name kid?”

Man, his glare was almost as nasty as Kanda’s.

“People call me Red.”

“Red, is it? I’m Lavi, this is the lovely Lenalee, and the grumpy one is Yuu!”

He growled, “It’s Kanda.”

Red’s gaze flickered over them, glare easing, and when he spoke, it was a whisper. “Lemme leave. I don’ wanna see no doctor.”

Lavi exchanged a look with Lenalee.

Kanda scoffed, “Just let him leave then. Not our problem.”

Red nodded, but both were promptly ignored.

“You can leave after you see a doctor, and only then.” Lenalee insisted stubbornly.

Lavi might’ve imagined it, but Red’s face seemed to pale. Most people would assume his fear of doctors stemmed from being a child, but Lavi’s interest was piqued. This kid, after all, had no qualms sucker punching him in the stomach. He was a tough little guy.

Red was quiet, the gears in his mind turning almost visibly. Must’ve decided there were no other options, as he exhaled, and sauntered over to the bed. Rather than sit on it, he plopped onto the floor in front of it and pulled his knees into his chest.

Lenalee was a bit off put, but not wanting to rile him up again, accepted it without a word. He could tell by the way she chewed her lip, the stiffness in her shoulders as she sat in the chair.

Kanda eyed him carefully, which also made Lavi curious. What was he thinking?

He’d have to harass it out of him later. After all, the best way to get information out of Kanda was to make him snap. If Lavi picked apart the death threats and cursing very carefully, the information he needed was usually buried in there somewhere. Usually.

Lavi grimaced at the memories of his all failed attempts that ended with trips to the infirmary. A shudder went down his spine, and he searched for something to distract him. Which, in this case, could be none other than little Red.

“So, what’d you do to tick that clown off..?”

No reply.

Kanda snorted, “Stole his wallet if I had to guess.”

Red’s head jerked up, lips drawn back into a snarl. “I didn’t steal nothin’!!”

Lavi kept his peacemaking grin on. “Of course not.”

Red glowered at him. “Don’t ya belittle me!”

His peacemaking grin was failing him.

 _“Cosmos,”_ He said the name as though it were the vilest thing on Earth. “Swiped a watch off some Duke then pinned it on me when he came sniffin’ ‘round tha’ place.”

“What’s that in your hand?” Kanda asked, unimpressed.

Finally. Lavi leaned in.

Red held out his hand, opening his fist to reveal a golden watch. It sparkled in the lighting, not matching Red’s scruffy appearance at all. “I snagged it off ‘im when he was beating me. I pickpocket from time to time, yah, but neva’ at tha’ circus! I’m not a bloody idiot!!”

Lavi rested his chin on his palm. “Ehh. Won’t you get in trouble now that you have it?”

He muttered so softly Lavi could only catch the last bit. “--be in more trouble if I didn’t.”

_RAP, RAP._

“Ah, that must be the doctor!” Lenalee hurried to the door.

Red gaped at it like a black hole had opened up.

Lavi took note of this.

“‘Ello,” The older man strolled inside, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “Which uns my patient?”

Red slowly slipped the watch inside his pocket.

“That would be Red!” Lenalee answered cheerily, gesturing to their little enigma.

“Ah, I see ya. On the bed, if you will lad.”

Red sat rather awkwardly on the side of the bed, one hand clenching and unclenching on his knee, the other buried in his pocket.

The doctor moved to him, setting a black briefcase on the chair.

Lavi joined Kanda near the door, not wanting to be in the way.

Red wasn’t making this easy for the doctor as it was. He kept moving away from his hand and nearly flipped a gasket when the doc pulled the stethoscope out.

The old man was patient; Lavi had to give him that. If it were a certain old panda here instead, Red would’ve been knocked unconscious by now.

“All right lad, off with the shirt.”

Red twitched. “What?”

“Yer shirt.”

“I ain’t takin’ my shirt off.”

The room collectively sighed.

The doctor straightened up and tucked his arms over his chest. “Not leavin’ until ya do lad. Ya, want my company that badly?”

“As if,” Red muttered, but his gaze showed no anger. He looked... anxious?

It took another minute, but the doctor talked him into removing his vest and unbuttoning his oversized shirt. That was as good as it was gonna get, Red having the mentality of a mini, slightly less violent Kanda.

Lavi’s seen a lot of messed up things in his life, but he couldn’t stop the cringe taking over his features. The kid’s entire torso was riddled in bruises, some a faded brown, others a dark blue or speckled purple.

Lenalee actually gasped out loud, then had to cover her mouth.

“Yer practically skin and bones!” The doctor mused, ignoring the bruises and scars as he felt along Red’s ribs.

He winced several times but never made a noise.

“Yer a tough lad, eh?” He ruffled his hair, a very unappreciated sentiment judging by the biting glare he received. “All right, all right. I’ve seen ‘nough, I’ll leave ya be, Red.”

He filed into the hallway, Lenalee, and Lavi at his heels.

“How..” She sucked in a small breath. “How is he?”

“Rather malnourished, but no internal bleedin’, luckily.” The doctor answered, setting his briefcase on the bar. “His bones were bruised but not broken, all in all, health is rather decent for a waif. He should recover quickly ‘nough.”

“But--”

“Eh, ‘Tilda, gimme my usual! Since ya got me runnin’ ‘round so late.”

“Comin’, wait a bloody moment, will ya!?” Her agitated voice floated from the backroom.

Lenalee shot him a frown. He rolled his eyes and nodded to the staircase.

When they were out of earshot, she stopped and scrunched up the end of her skirt. “These people don’t care.”

“Well, it’s not like they know him.” Lavi offered.

Her gaze shot to his, angry and clouded with tears. “That shouldn’t matter, Lavi! He’s a child!” She stomped past him, rubbing her eyes on her sleeve.

He stared at the empty air she’d once occupied, jaw slack. An image of Lenalee kneeling on the floor in a room filled with white coffins surfaced. Shoulders raking from sobs. This was just like her. An odd thought, but it’s what passed through his mind nonetheless. Soon proceeded by the old panda’s voice: _“You are too soft.”_

Maybe so.

He pulled his bandanna off, running his fingers through his spiky hair.

His stint at the order certainly hadn’t helped with that. Pushing away the memories of Doug before they could surface, he backtracked to the bar.

He needed some fresh air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you didn't know, Doug is a character from the second novel! You can read fan-translations here ;)) 
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/dgrayman/comments/2y46y2/novels_collection_of_fan_translations_of_dgm/ 
> 
> Oh, and thank you for reading!!


	3. Circus life

When he’d finally returned to their room, the sun was rising. Kanda had received the closet-like room by default, while Lenalee was sitting in the other bed with her knees against her chest. According to her, Red had left soon after Lavi had. No amount of talking could change the kid’s mind, and, a deal was a deal. To him, they were just a group of strangers who’d abducted him from the circus. His place of business and residence apparently.

It was for the best. They had more pressing matters to address anyways.

“If Miranda really isn’t here as well...” Lenalee mumbled into her arms.

Lavi watched for a moment, then plopped into the chair by the headrest. “Nothing we can do about it.” He answered, twirling big hammer, little hammer. “I have a theory, though.”

When she flashed him a curious look, he elaborated.

“What if, in the present, her innocence is still going out of control?”

Her eyes widened. “But, it’s already been a day, Lavi!”

“Maybe not over there. As much as I hate to admit it, we don’t know what’s going on or have anything concrete to go off of. A day here could be a minute over there--you know, in the future.”

She lowered her head again. “Miranda.. I hope she’s okay...”

“Relax,” Lavi replied heartily. “Allen and your insa-- b-brother, are there with her, she’ll be fine!”

Lenalee didn’t seem convinced.

“They’re probably figuring out some way to reverse the effects of Komui’s potion as we speak!”

She nodded, “Right, and when that happens..” The worry in her gaze vanished like clouds on a sunny day. “Her innocence will deactivate!! We’ll be sent back to the present!!”

Lavi mirrored her expression, an index finger raised. “Exactly!”

The cheeriness only lasted a minute before the gloominess dragged them back.

“What’re we going to do until then? If you’re right, we could be here for weeks at best.”

His lips pulled into a tight line. “Yuu’s not exactly rich either, is he?”

“Normally, the Order pays for everything.” She went on, more for herself than him. She knew that was his favorite part of cooperating with the Order--she’d been the one dragging him out of every store during his first month. “They give us extra money to keep just in case, but never too much. There was never a need.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond. At this rate, they’d have to get jobs. “I guess if worst comes to worst, we can always sell Yuu’s hair or something.”

_CRACK!!_

Metal smacked the back of his head, sending him faceplanting onto the floorboards. On a positive note, the stinging of his nose distracted from his fractured skull.

“Y-Yuu, good morning..” He offered with a meek wave.

Kanda ignored him, lowering Mugen. He held up a flyer to Lenalee, who gasped.

“That’s right!”

He pushed himself up and sat crisscross. “What?”

She turned to him, eyes shining. “The circus, Lavi!”

“Oh, right! Little Red is there too, so he could put in a good word for us!” He said that, but he doubted the kid would do any such thing. Not without a lot of encouragement, and by that, he meant pestering him until he caved.

“Right!” Lenalee agreed, a little too eagerly. “I wonder how he’s doing?”

“Guess we’ll found out.” Lavi hummed.

Surprisingly, Kanda didn’t say anything. Just crossed his arms, and stared at the door. Odd. Upon recollection, his strange behavior had started after meeting Red. Lavi wanted to know why that was.

“I say we head over there as soon as possible!” He paused, then gave a devious grin. “Now that I think about it, Allen said his foster parent was a clown, maybe he’ll be there. If that’s the case...” He could get a lot of information about him. The old panda would love that, seeing as Allen’s past life was shrouded in mystery. He rubbed his palms together at the prospect.

Lenalee brightened and tilted her head. “I wonder what Allen was like as a kid?”

Kanda didn’t dignify them with a response--still scowling at the door like it had insulted his ancestors.

“What if him and little Red are friends!?”

He and Lenalee burst out laughing.

“No way,” She replied, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. “Allen is too polite! They wouldn’t get along at all!”

He shrugged good-naturedly. “Hey, you never know! He gets along with Yuu just fine!”

A low growl and he stormed out of the room.

They exchanged frowns.

“We should go after him,” He suggested.

She nodded and hopped off the bed.                                                     

* * *

 

By the time they’d reached the bar downstairs, Kanda had left. Which meant all of their money had left. They ended up tracking him down to a small café across the block, and he seemed less than pleased by their presence. Well, by _his_ presence, but Lavi didn’t mind. It made messing with him more fulfilling. He was clearly stuck on something. Eventually, he’d get it out of him.

After they’d eaten, they backtracked to the circus. Kanda had brought the flyer, but Lavi didn’t need it. Didn’t take long before they were standing in front of the familiar layout of tents.

“Man, this place is bigger when it’s bright out!” He chuckled.

Lenalee murmured her agreement, gazing up at the main tent with round eyes. “I’ve never been to a circus performance..”

Guess not, with her having been at the Order for most of her life.

“We’ll have to catch the show this time!” He surveyed the area, taking note of the clowns, some sitting on the ground, others practicing their act. One of which was a beautiful lady. He would’ve yelled ‘strike,' if she hadn’t been juggling knives.

“Hey, isn’t that--?”

At the end of Lenalee’s finger, a ruddy-haired kid was shuffling out of a tent.

When he saw them, the indifference on his face dissolved into an amount of disgust he’d never been privy too. Not even woman he hit on looked at him like that. Heck, the old panda had never conjured that amount of disgust towards him--not even when he was ditching his responsibilities to hit on said woman.

He felt like a walking, grinning germ.

That didn’t stop him from giving an enthusiastic greeting. “Hey, Red! Long time no--”

Red speed-walked in the opposite direction.

“He doesn’t seem to like us..” Lenalee said, sounding a bit dejected.

Lavi didn’t reply, as he was already on Red’s heels. “Whatcha doing!? Lenalee said you _work_ here! That’s pretty cool! Child labor legal here? Where’re your parents?”

Red stopped so abruptly Lavi nearly tripped over him. That would’ve been awkward.

“Yer irritatin’.”

“Uh?”

He inclined his head, eyes narrowed in nothing short of sheer annoyance. “Stop followin’ me.”

He watched Red stomp off, vanishing into a decent-sized tent.

Huh, wonder which question set him off?

“So much for a recommendation,” Kanda remarked as he walked past. “Let’s get on with it.”

He looked at the white tent, then shrugged. “Alright~”

“This way,” Lenalee called. She was standing beside the woman he’d seen on the way in. The woman’s gaze flickered over them in disinterest, then, she turned and lead them to a large tent off to the side.

She knocked on the flap. “Ringmaster, some folks are ‘ere to see ya.”

A muffled voice answered, but he couldn’t make out the words.

The girl nodded as though that settled everything, then wandered off. By the time she’d left their sight, the Ringmaster had entered it.

He was a short man with a round belly. His peppery hair was hidden beneath a top hat, and he used a cane to steady himself. “Yes? Is there something you lot want?”

Lenalee seemed bothered, so Lavi did the honors. He gave him the stranded story, with a few alterations. Couldn’t exactly tell him they’d been blasted back in time because a mad scientist (who also happened to be Lenalee’s brother) dropped a potion onto their friend’s head, thus sending her innocence out of control. He’d have them sent to a loony house before he could even get to the part about the Holy War.

Instead, he told him they were a couple of traveling performers, who sadly, had their wallets stolen. Wasn’t a total lie. He took it hook line and sinker, the greedy man he was. The moment he heard, ‘free help,' his entire demeanor shifted.

“Ah, I see, I see! Well, we can’t have ya lads sleepin’ on the streets now can we? Ya can sleep here, rest assured. Of course, we won’t be coverin’ yer meals and whatnot, as our budget is ratha’ tight.” He pinched his index finger and thumb together, in a way that screamed he was lying. “But, we can make some room for ya.”

Lavi clapped his hands together as though he were praying. “Ah, thank you! You’re a real lifesaver--isn’t he!? Yuu? Lenalee?”

Kanda refused to acknowledge him, while Lenalee took a step closer. “We’ll do our best to earn our keep, sir!”

“Yes, yes, I ‘ppreciate the sentiment! I can see me and you lads are gonna get along just fine.”

 _I wouldn’t be too sure of that,_ Lavi thought.

He waved his hands dismissively. “Now, run along. Red’ll show ya where ta sleep.”

And that was it. He didn’t bother to explain who Red was or make sure they found him, just strolled inside his tent, singing an old folks song beneath his breath.

Lavi spun on his heel and scanned the area for Red with comical theatrics. “Well, you heard him! Where’d he go?”

Maybe still inside the tent?

He started for it but stopped when Red scurried out of a smaller tent to the side, shirts, and empty bottles being chucked his way. Lavi expected him to bolt out of sight, but the kid actually crouched and began to collect the assortment of items. As if it weren't strange enough, he was only using his right arm.

Lenalee knelt in front of Red, gathering several shirts. He knew without her saying anything that she wanted him to do the same. So, he joined them, taking the bottles Red had cradled against his chest.

He stared up at them distrustfully. “What do ya people want now?”

“The Ringmaster said you could show us where to sleep.” She replied, trying to be reassuring despite her unease, but Lenalee had never been good at hiding her emotions.

She wasn’t like Lavi, who could still wear a carefree expression after witnessing such a display of cruelty. He couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing.

A shadow passed over Red’s face as she explained they’d be staying here for awhile.

“What are ya folks, a bunch of blooming stalkers?” He finally said, causing Lavi to snort.

“Somethin’ like that.” He choked out in between his laughs.

Red’s face scrunched up like he wasn’t sure whether he should be offended. Then, he seemed to sense Kanda scowling at him from the sidelines and gave him a pointed glare. Lavi sobered up at the sight. Seeing the two squaring off hit him with an odd sense of deja vu. That shouldn’t be possible, unless, Red really was someone they know. His face was still bruised, but now that the swelling had eased, he did seem familiar.

He didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as Lenalee stood, struggling to maintain a smile. “Kanda, that’s enough.”

Somehow, her attempt to not come off as agitated made her a hundred times more scary. Red’s steely eyes went round for a second, before hardening into their usual scowl, and Kanda’s glare had snapped away, redirected at who-knows-what.

Lavi took that as his cue. “We should put these away, right?”

Red nodded, slowly, then lead them off without a word.

Lavi made sure to aim a glare inside the tent as they passed. He caught a glimpse of a man hunched over on a stool, but he was facing the opposite direction.

Red stopped in front of a wooden bucket. “Jus’ set ‘em down here.”

“And the bottles?”

He turned his nose up. “Whatever ya want.”

Lavi had a couple good ideas as of what he could do with these, like, smashing them over the jerk who’d been chucking them’s head. People who hurt children were scum in his book. But, speaking of book, as the Bookman’s apprentice such emotions were out of the question.

 _We’re just observers,_ He repeated to himself. _We don’t alter events, in the past or present. We only observe and record._

“The trash then.” Lenalee murmured, giving the glass bottles a disdainful look.

After they’d finished that, they left the clothing in a heap beside the bucket.

Red trudged along, taking them to a row of small white tents. “The last two have been empty as of yesterday. Yers for the pickin’.”

Lavi blinked, “What happened to the performers?”

“Kicked out. Ringmaster doesn’t like those who bring in no profit.”

Did Lavi imagine it, or had his voice shaken a little?

Lenalee gasped, “That’s horrible.”

Rather than acknowledge her, Red turned and sauntered the way they’d come. “I showed ya yer place to sleep, I gotta get back to work.”

Lenalee pursed her lips but didn’t try to stop him.

Lavi took that time to size up each tent. They were big enough to walk full circles in, but he couldn’t imagine staying in there for too long. Too cramped for his tastes.

Rays of sunlight easily broke through the thin fabric, and a single mat lay strewn in the center.

Compared to the last circus he’d stayed at, wherein he’d been left to sleep in the straw they fed the horses with, this was somewhat of an improvement. Their situation hadn’t changed much, though, as someone was getting the ground tonight. He had a hunch who that person would be.

“What should we do now?” Lenalee asked, brow furrowed.

“Guess we should introduce ourselves.” He suggested with a shiteating grin.

Kanda didn’t seem big on the idea, but Lenalee clapped her hands together, practically beaming. “Right! And we can see if Allen is here!”

“Who cares where that beansprout is,” Kanda muttered, oddly enough, scowling in the direction Red had scampered off in.

Lavi narrowed his eye. Very un-Kanda like, unless, he was holding a grudge about the wallet incident. That would make sense if he didn’t look so... contemplative.

“Lavi?”

He jumped a bit. “Y-Yes?”

She frowned. “Something wrong?”

Now they were directing their attention to him. ‘Lavi’ loves being the center of attention, but he didn’t fancy it that much.

“Just thinking of all the pranks me and little Allen could play on Yuu!”

They took it hook line and sinker. Kanda ground his teeth, thumb sliding Mugen out of its sheath, while Lenalee giggled into her palm. Lavi took the chance to hurry off, under the guise of ‘introducing himself’. His skull was still aching from earlier, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to be impaled so early in the morning.

The performers weren’t the friendliest bunch, he learned that rather fast. Sadly for them, you were friends with ‘Lavi’ whether you liked it or not. He could tell they weren’t satisfied with the way this circus was run, so he appealed to that. People loved to complain, and he loved to get information. He took mental notes of what they said to write in his notebook later. Asked if they knew a kid named Allen, and deflated a little when they shook their heads. There was a dog named Allen, but no kid.

When he was satisfied he’d weaseled his way in, he searched for Lenalee and Kanda. Lenalee was chatting with the knife lady again--who’d introduced herself as Maria. Fitting name for a total hottie.

Kanda was sitting by himself near the props, looking like he’d slice off anyone’s head if they went near him. Which he would. Lavi’s glad he made it clear, he’d hate to be thrown in jail because Kanda murdered a clown.

A couple feet away from him, he spotted Red, who was polishing the props. Funny how like minded people tended to gravitate to each other. They must’ve decided to share the empty corner on the terms neither bothered to the other. He considered joining them, then, got a better idea.

“So, what’s up with that kid over there?” He asked, turning back to the cluster of clowns.

“Ah? Ya mean Red?” A man with a funky green wig inquired. “Don’ go near that ‘un, he’s a freak I tell ya!”

“Not good for much eitha,'” The trapeze lady put in. “Jus’ does the odd jobs no one else wants ta’. Ringmasta’ paid quite a hefty price for ‘em, so he hasn’t been kicked out yet.”

“I see.” Lavi feigned disinterest, glancing at Red again. Still wasn’t using his left arm. He was about to ask about it when applause cut through the thin curtain.

“Shows about ta’ start.” She explained. “Wish us luck!”

He did, and they left, snatching the props from Red as they passed. Not so much as a thank you. No wonder Red preferred to stick to himself--probably thought all adults were the same.

He used to be that way. With the exception of the old panda and a few others, his outlook hadn’t changed much.

Lavi saw Kanda mutter something, and Red’s head lowered. Interest piqued, he floated over to them.

“--grown up, I’ll be outta here.”

Kanda snorted in response.

“I will!”

“What’s going on?” He greeted them warmly.

They flashed him cold glares.

He cringed for a heartbeat, wondering what he’d just walked in on. He recovered fast, though, sweeping a hand through his hair. “So, you do the odd jobs, huh? You’re a pretty hard worker!”

“Like ya care.” Red retorted. “Ya act all friendly, but that eye of yers is empty.”

He froze, fingers still wedged in his spiky hair. An image of a dark haired guy seared into his mind, defiance showing in his knitted brows and tense stance. _“Your eye is like glass. It reflects me, but that’s all. Nothing reaches inside.”_

Doug.

Stop thinking about it.

His pulse wouldn't slow down.

Stop.

It was getting hard to breath.

**FOCUS!**

Lavi was jarred back to reality, wherein Kanda was observing him quietly, and Red had stomped off.

Lavi forced a laugh. “That was pretty uncalled for! How mean! Yuu, you’ve been a bad influence on his delicate mind!!”

Kanda clucked his tongue and jerked his head away.

He lingered, refusing to let on how much Red had gotten to him. Make a couple jokes, smile, no one would suspect a thing. Just act like ‘Lavi’, a nice guy with impenetrable confidence. A powerful exorcist that gets along with everyone, happy, bright, a guy who--

Who couldn’t save his friend.

“Now that I think about it,” He went on steadily. “Where did Lenalee go?”

Kanda nodded to the stage’s entrance.

Lavi’s mouth fell. “She went on stage!?”

He gave him an annoyed look. “With another girl.”

Maria. Well, as long as she wasn’t alone.

He knew nothing would be able to keep ‘Lavi’ from watching Lenalee perform, but he’d have to get over it. He was too tired.

Hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours, and it was showing in the way his legs dragged across the ground like lead. Yeah, that was why his body felt heavy. The reason he just wanted to curl up and sleep all day.

Not leaving room for argument, he laid on the ground a couple feet from the mat.

He was fine.

Just fine.


	4. A Red Beansprout

When he became aware, Lavi was standing in the middle of a hallway. He recognized this place--the hall that lead to the Finder’s barracks.

Back in the Order, huh?

Miranda’s innocence must’ve deactivated while he was sleeping. He cracked a smile.

Aw, and there’d been so many things he’d wanted to record too! Nothing he could do about it, he’d just have to work off memory.

Where was the old panda at anyways? If Lavi didn’t speak to him first, he’d surely get kicked.

Lavi went to search for him but froze when his foot tapped something soft, and he heard a soft whimper. Blinking, he looked down.

A Finder was lying on the floor, skin nearly gray, eyes glassy.

Looking around, he discovered the entire hallway was littered with corpses.

How had he not noticed? The floor was drenched in blood!

“D-Doug..” The guy choked out. A shudder racked his body. “T-That way.”

He pointed at the corridor ahead, then, his hand went limp.

Lavi’s heart thumped against his ribcage so hard it hurt. What?

This wasn’t right.

Doug was already--

Lavi took off regardless. He’d check Doug’s room.

His shoes stuck to the bloody floor as if it were mud, making a sickening _shluck_ each time his foot came up. His vision burned a furious white, and he could barely see the door as he skidded to a stop and slung it open.

Instead of Doug’s room, he found himself peering into a courtyard from the doorway. Panting, he staggered onto the cobblestone.

He’d been here before.

Surely enough, a statue of a woman stood in the middle and huddled in front of it was...

“Doug!”

His friend didn’t respond. Lavi could only see his back. As he drew closer, he realized Doug had someone cradled in his arms.

 _Colette,_ His mind supplied, but he shook it away in favor of trying to gain Doug’s attention. “Doug!!”

Doug didn’t hear him, too busy mumbling beneath his breath. Lavi could make out a few words.

“Please--” He whimpered. “--A miracle--”

Understanding was beginning to dawn upon him, but he didn’t want to accept it. He knew what was happening, but he didn’t want to. He knew this statue was of the Dawn Goddess, that fucking awful scheme the Earl had cooked up. A wish granter--can even bring back the dead--a load of bull.

Doug should’ve known this too. So, why? Why was he doing this?

Lavi could never understand.

He watched in muted horror as the Earl appeared, twirling around Doug with his umbrella pointed to the moon. Every move he made was over exaggerated like he was a clown putting on a show. It would make sense if that were true; this whole thing was a sick joke.

Lavi could almost laugh at the bitter irony of it. Almost.

“All I have to do is call her name?”

He didn’t want to be here anymore.

“That’s right~!” The Earl sang.

He wanted to wake up. This had to be a dream. Lavi hadn’t been present when Doug turned Colette into an Akuma. Only for the aftermath.

Doug raised his head to the sky and cried the child’s name with every fiber of his being. “COLETTE!!”

Doug had always been too compassionate. Too earnest. Too kind.

The Earl released a manic laugh.

“Col..ette...?”

Lavi covered his ears and squeezed his eye shut. He waited for the inevitable to unfold, but, instead, a hand took a fistful of the bottom of his shirt.

Doug stared up at him, eyes bleeding an inky fluid, pentagrams spreading across his skin. “La..vi... Why did you let me die, Lavi? Why weren’t you here!?”

A strangled cry escaping his throat, Lavi shoved him off and staggered backward. “I-I was at the Order!! You know that!”

“You never saw me as a friend,” He coughed, sending the same fluid dripping from his chin splattering onto the cobble.

Lavi tried to yell, but his voice came out a shaky whisper. “You’re wrong,”

“You’re not Lavi.. You’re just... A _coward,_ hiding behind the mask of ‘Lavi’.” He croaked, raising his defiant gaze to meet his. “A nameless reflection of others.”

 _“Stop it!”_ This time, he managed to scream, hand flying to his hammer.

Despite it growing to the size of his torso, he easily swung it into Doug’s chest, knocking him across the courtyard.

 _Just a dream,_ He told himself. _It’s a dream. A dream._

His hammer clattered to the ground, and he hunched over, gasping for air.

“Oh, Mister Bookman~” A child’s voice sang.

His head snapped up. A level two Akuma towered over him. Colette.

He tried to grab his innocence, but before he could, several bullets shredded through his chest. Ribs shattering, lungs pierced, veins rupturing, and yet, what he woke to was the feeling of falling when his knees gave.

Scrambling up, his fingers flew over his chest. His shoulder’s slumped when he felt it intact. No bullet holes. No blood. A dream.

“A dream..” He breathed out.

Sitting up straighter, he turned his head.

Kanda was laying on the mat, Mugen held to his chest, and his exorcist coat draped over his waist as a blanket.

Lavi was surprised his thrashing hadn’t woken the samurai, but then again, he had slept through his hair being braided on the train that one time. Ignoring the urge to do so again, Lavi stood with a back popping stretch and headed outside.

The cool morning air soothed his nerves, along with the scent of grass.

Most of the performers were awake, he noted, though they remained in their tents. Except for Red, who emerged from a tent in the middle, an empty tray in his hand. He scurried off before Lavi could greet him, returning shortly after with a bowl balanced on the tray, then vanishing inside another tent. This repeated, in an order he couldn’t figure out. The longer he did it, however, the more yelling would follow him as he raced out.

 

“Tenth!? Are you frickin’ kiddin’ me ya waif!?”

 

“My act was a hit!! Ya jus’ playin’ me!”

 

“Are ya bloody blind!? The audience loved me!”

 

Lavi stood, stoic in morbid fascination. The order he delivered the food in was according to popularity? What kind of place--!?

“Ack!” Red yelped rather ungracefully when he spotted Lavi standing there. “Why’re ya staring at me, what do ya want!?”

“N-Nothing,” He quickly gathered his bearings and put on a smile. “Just wondering what you were up to so early! Wow, you really are a hard worker!”

Red scowled, “Butterin’ me up won’t earn ya any food. Ringmaster said--”

“I know,” Lavi interceded. “No food for us! We still have some money left over, so I don’t gotta beg you for food just yet!”

He continued to examine Lavi, weariness etched into his features. “Last night.. Yer still mad?”

“Huh?” It took Lavi a minute, then he remembered their last encounter. Seeing the snippy kid concerned made a genuine laugh bubble over. “I didn’t take you for the considerate type! You act fierce, but you’re a complete softie, aren’t you!?”

Red’s face turned the color of his name, and his eyes were round as the bowls he’d been delivering. “N-No, I ain’t!!”

Lavi swiped the tray from Red, ignoring his protests. “Relax, I’m supposed to be pitching in anyways!”

Two steps, five, ten, then Red scampered after him.

“Which way’s the kitchen?”

“..This way.” He replied, still watching Lavi out of the corner of his eye.

He wouldn’t let him out of sight. Each step was deliberate, and his shoulders were hunched, as though he were preparing to bolt if necessary.

The warmth in his chest dried up. The kid was worried he was going to hurt him, wasn’t he? Just what kind of place--?

Shoving the question away, Lavi helped him finish his rounds. As shameless as they were, the performers didn’t have the gall to yell at Red with Lavi grinning (menacingly) at his side. When they delivered the last tray, Red’s stomach rumbled.

“Sounds like it’s your turn now.” He snickered, starting for the kitchen.

“I don’t get food,” Red said, using the same tone the science division had come to adopt when apologizing for Komui’s antics. “Still in trouble ova’ the watch.”

A feeling like cold water drizzled along his spine. “I thought you didn’t steal it..”

A pause. “I didn’t.”

“You didn’t tell them about Cosmos?”

Red blinked, seeming surprised to hear that name come from Lavi’s mouth. Understandable, the average person would’ve forgotten by now.

“What’s the point? No one would believe me.”

Lavi ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to regain his composure. “When’s the last time you ate?”

Red shrugged, not meeting his eyes. Lavi got the feeling he knew exactly how long it had been.

Again, Lavi scanned him, this time taking in how frail his shoulders truly were, the fresh bruises dotting his arms, overlaying the faded brown smudges. The way he still wore the same grungy outfit; as though the Ringmaster couldn’t have been bothered to give him another pair of clothes.

It was official, Lavi wanted this circus to burn to the ground. He didn’t voice any of this, of course. “Guess you’re getting breakfast with us, then.”

“Huh!?” Red recoiled, nose scrunching up. “Why should I!?”

Still doesn’t trust them.

“We’re in the same boat, aren’t we?”

He crossed his arms. “No.”

“We’re in similar boats then,” Lavi replied, spinning on his heel and heading for his tent with a wave. “C’mon!”

Red hesitated, long enough for Lavi to consider dragging him. Right when he was going to retrieve the stubborn child, Red hurried to him, short legs struggling to keep up with Lavi’s long strides.

He didn’t complain, or ask him to slow down, which made Lavi like him more.

When they reached the tent he’d slept in, Kanda and Lenalee were already awake. Lenalee brightened when she saw him, while Kanda regarded him with a raised brow.

“Where were you?” She asked, giving Red an extra friendly smile.

He shifted uncomfortably beside Lavi.

“Just helping deliver breakfast!” He answered, matching her good mood. “Speaking of which, I invited Red to get some with us!”

He didn’t think it possible, but, she lit up brighter and knelt so she was at eye-level with him. “Really, Red!? That’s great!”

If he’d been anxious previously, he was really unsettled now. He shuffled his feet, lips pulled into a tight line.

Lenalee noticed his discomfort but didn’t comment on it. Just stood, dusting off her knees. “Where should we go?”

Lavi shrugged, “I’m sure we’ll find something.”

* * *

“And, that’s when the crowd burst into cheers!” Lenalee spoke with passion, wonder sparkling in her round eyes. “I never knew performing could be so much fun! I can’t wait to do it again!”

Lavi hummed in interest, chin resting on his hand. “Wish I could’a seen it.”

She blinked affectionately at him, then turned to Red, who was sitting beside Lavi. “Have you ever performed, Red?”

He flinched, cheeks flushing slightly. “Why would I wanna do that?”

Lenalee dove into a, ‘it’s such a fun experience’ speech, while Lavi stared out the window.

They’d ended up wandering the city for half an hour until they stumbled this place. Affordable, cozy, a scent that made his mouth water. Lavi felt it was well worth the effort getting here took. Plus, the walk hadn’t been boring, that’s for sure. He’d spent the time listening to Lenalee gush over assisting the magician and Maria, as well as Kanda and Red bickering in the background. Lavi hadn’t known anyone but Allen could go at it like that with Kanda, and honestly, he found their interactions just as hilarious.

“Yeah, well, I hate clowns,” Red answered stubbornly when she’d finished.

Kanda clucked his tongue.

“What!?” He demanded heatedly.

Kanda’s gaze flickered to him from across the table. “You live in a circus.”

“So!? Better than whereva’ ya live, I’m sure, ya samurai wannabe!”

“What was that?” Kanda growled, retrieving Mugen from where it had been set against the wall. “I’ll chop you several feet shorter, you damn beansprout!”

“I’d like ta see ya try it!” He shot back, pushing himself onto his knees to appear bigger. “I’ll rip yer girly hair out an’ sell it to a hobo!”

“Alright, enough of that you two!” Lenalee fussed, flashing their mortified waiter an apologetic look. “Honestly, why do you have to fight so much?”

In perfect sync, they both snapped their heads away, noses turned up in childish indignation. Lavi chuckled softly, then turned to the waiter.

“I’ll have whatever today’s special is!”

She nodded, slowly, eyes still glued to the troublemakers. “Alrighty. And, um, you sir?”

Kanda didn’t look at her. “Soba.”

“..Soba?”

“Kanda we’re in London..” Lenalee whispered sheepishly. “They don’t sell that here.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Pasta.”

 _Still not London,_ Lavi thought.

The waiter nodded regardless and scribbled his order on her notepad.

“I’ll have the same as Lavi, please.” Lenalee chirped when the waiter turned to her.

“Alright.” She eyed Red expectantly. “And you?”

He jerked, skin matching the sky in its sickly shade of gray. “Umm, I-I’ll just get the same as Lavi. I-Is having. Too. If it’s no trouble.”

“Okay.” She murmured, already floating to another booth. “It’ll be out in a minute.”

After a moment of silence, Kanda decided to voice their thoughts. “What the heck was that, beansprout?”

Given, his choice of words was much more aggressive.

Red glared daggers at him. “What was what? I ordered my food, did’n I?”

A snort. “If you can call that ordering.”

His fist clenched into a tight ball, but he didn’t reply. Just lowered his head and muttered. “People don’ normally ask me what I want.”

Kanda studied him carefully, then, turned to the window. “Whatever.”

 _Yuu, still no good in emotional situations,_ Lavi noted.

‘Lavi’ would want to cheer the kid up, tell a joke, chase the awkwardness away with laughter; but so far, Red had seen right through his facade. Any attempt at consoling him would have to come from _himself,_ and honestly, he’d been pretending to be someone else for so long, he wasn’t sure who that was anymore.

 _Me, still a hopeless idiot,_ He added.

Lenalee slouched in the booth, staring solemnly at a stain on the floor. Her cheerful mood had crashed, replaced by a haunted look.

Red’s word must’ve struck a chord with her.

He remembered Lenalee telling him about the Order, how she was kidnapped, forced to fight, strapped to a bed for who-knows-how-long when she tried to escape. The memory was carved into her body. He could see it in the way her skin grew ghastlier than Red’s, how her shoulders shook from a shudder, the goosebumps down the arms she’d wrapped around herself.

 _Lenalee, though considerate, still messed up as the rest of us,_ He laid his chin on his arms, resisting the urge to sigh.

Every single person at this table was damaged. It was a depressing realization, but at the same time, strangely comforting. At least, they weren’t alone in it.

The heavy silence lingered until the waiter returned with their food.

Three corn chowders, and a single plate of spaghetti.

For someone who hadn’t eaten in days, Red was hesitant. He kept jabbing the thick soup with his spoon, scraping along the bottom and side, splitting apart the center. Lavi watched but didn’t ask. Any explanation received would just dampen the mood further.

By the time Red took a minuscule bite, Lavi was halfway through his.

No one spoke, not even when he stopped, lowered his spoon, and waited twelve seconds. He tried to convince himself the kid was being picky, but the boiling in his chest wouldn’t cease.

That damn circus. He didn’t just want it to burn to the ground, as of now, he wanted whoever had dared to put something in his food to go with it. The Ringmaster too, oh, and definitely Cosmos. Cosmos was a jerk.

When they’d finished eating, they waited for Red. No one had the heart to make him hurry. Lavi even asked him if he wanted seconds when he’d scraped the last drop of soup from his bowl.

“I’m full.” He answered, laying his spoon on the table, and pushing the bowl away.

They spent the rest of the morning exploring the city, Lenalee dragging Red into a clothes store (literally), Kanda smirking at the sight.

When they came out, the sun had settled overhead, and Red had a clean pair of clothes draped over his arm. Clothes that fit.

They might’ve roamed longer if Red hadn’t stopped, and nodded to a circus flyer lying on the sidewalk. “I have a lotta chores left.”

Lenalee gave him a tired smile. “We’ll help you.”

“We’re supposed to be pitching in anyways.” Lavi put in before he could protest.

Red clamped his mouth shut at that and trudged behind them.

They’d fallen into their regular paced conversations by the time they’d made it back. Lavi had expected Red to speed off the second they crossed the threshold, but, instead, he stopped and offered them a tiny smile.

The first one they’d seen him give.

Lavi realized his mouth was hanging open, but he didn’t care, not even when Red’s cheeks began to fill with color, and he stared holes into the ground.

He could tell Kanda and Lenalee had stiffened beside him as well.

“T-Thank ya.” His tongue stumbled on the words like they were unfamiliar. A cough followed, and he turned away. “We have ta wash the performer’s clothes. Ya can polish the props if ya’d ratha’.”

“You should put your clothes away first, silly.” Lenalee teased him lightly.

The blush spread to his throat, and he nodded quickly.

As Lavi watched the kid retreat, he was overcome with a sudden homesickness. It hit him like a punch to the gut, every bit as shocking and stomach churning.

That shouldn’t be possible.

“I think he’s finally warming up to us,” Lenalee said, not showing a hint of the distress he felt.

He didn’t reply, too busy rehashing his knowledge of homesickness.

 

 **Homesickness:** the distress and functional impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from people and things you're familiar with. In this case, the Order.

**Triggers include:**

 

-Food you usually ate. He could recall every meal he’d ever requested from Jerry with terrifying accuracy, and corn chowder wasn’t on the list.

 

-Something, or someone from home. Lenalee and Kanda but they’d been with him the whole time.

 

-Thinking about said home. Maybe. He did have that nightmare. The reaction could’ve been delayed due to shock.

 

Not satisfied with that explanation, he moved on.

 

-A familiar scent, smell or sight that reminds you of “home.” Had there been something like that?

 

He tilted his head to the side, closing his eye. Regardless of what the cause had been, he was used to spending _months_ away from the Order at a time. It had never bothered him before, so why now? He hated not having answers.

He was so absorbed in his musing, he nearly missed the gasp from Lenalee.

Were they under attack!?

His eye was shot open without missing a beat, feverishly scanning the sea of tents. When he discovered not a single Akuma, he turned to ask Lenalee if she was alright, but she was honed in on something.

He followed her gaze, finding a rather compromising scene. He’d pieced together what had happened as fast as he’d opened his eye.

Red, on his way back, had bumped into a clown. Small as he was, he’d taken the brunt of it, having fallen to the ground with a pinched expression.

Not enough to warrant a shocked gasp, so he dove deeper, searching, picking apart, until, he saw it. The paralyzed hand Red had kept buried in his pocket or hidden beneath a glove, had come out. It was wrinkled and scaly, a glowing cross embed below his knuckles.

Another wave of homesickness barrelled into Lavi at the sight. He _knew that hand._ Knew that wince, those silver eyes--how had he not realized sooner?

Lenalee did the honors, her voice a faint whisper, yet, relaying their shock in its entirety. “..Allen?”


	5. Return

That spitfire of a kid was Allen. Those bruises were Allen’s. Those thin arms and shoulders, the hurt glare, the mangy clothes, they were all Allen’s.

 _Allen Walker_ was standing in front of him as a child, a relative jackpot for the Bookman’s apprentice, and all he could do was stare. If the old panda could see him now, he’d be disappointed. Allen was just another name to go in history books, something to be prodded for easy information.

He wasn’t supposed to care.

He wasn’t supposed to be fighting off the urge to torch this hellhole of a circus himself, and dance on the ashes left behind.

A tick dragged at the corner of his lips, threatening to pull them into a snarl as the clown snatched Allen up by the collar.

“Watch where ya goin’ ya freak!”

Alle--no, Red--returned the clown’s hatred and then some. “Ya ran into me, or are ya bloody blind as well as dumb as a bag of bricks, Cosmos!?”

“Hahh!!?” He growled. His face was hidden beneath the layers of makeup, but there was no hiding the malicious twinkle in his dark eyes.

Lavi didn’t even realize he’d moved until he was stepping in between the two, roughly smacking Cosmos’s hand from Al--Red’s--collar.

The clown reared back, arm arching behind his head.

Lavi had already planned which way to dodge and was mapping out the most painful place to smash his fist when Cosmos’s gaze flickered over.

He froze mid-swing, neck craning to get a better view of Kanda.

If looks could kill, Cosmos would’ve been stabbed several times, crushed beneath a carriage, then tossed off a cliff by now.

Lavi could count on a single hand how many times he’d seen Kanda this pissed.

Normally, it took a loud mouth Akuma or Komui’s killer robots to rile him up this bad. Even if they were on the same side, he couldn’t stop himself from swallowing, and inching away.

Lenalee made no attempt to stop things, this time, arms tucked tightly over her chest, and despite her teary eyes, she looked like she could strangle Cosmos to death and enjoy it.

Cosmos, wisely sensing his life was in danger, stumbled away. “Y-You again!?”

Two steps further, still facing them. Five, his teeth were bared in a frustrated hiss. Eight, and he was bolting behind the cover a larger tent provided, off to wherever.

The source of his anger gone, he turned to Red with a deep frown. He’d stuffed his deformed hand into his pocket already, refusing to meet Lavi’s eye.

The arm must be a sensitive topic.

Lenalee edged closer, mouth pursed, as though she wanted to say something.

He shook his head at her, then offered to help Red stand, careful to keep his expression friendly.

“C’mon, you were gonna show us where to go, right?”

“..Yeah.” He pushed himself to his feet, ignoring Lavi’s outstretched hand. “This way.”

Kanda stormed off in the opposite direction, fingers finally uncurling from Mugen’s hilt.

“Ah, hey, Yuu!!”

No response.

He blinked. Kanda looked more pissed than surprised; like a long time suspicion had been confirmed. Guess that explained why he’d started acting weird after meeting Red, and even called him by Allen’s nickname--‘beansprout.’

He didn’t beat himself up to much for not noticing when Kanda did, after all, Kanda practically had an Allen radar installed in his brain. He could find him anywhere. And Lavi meant, _anywhere._

Red stared after him, initial confusion melting into a cold hatred no kid should be capable of manifesting. He whipped around roughly, stomping off the way he’d come.

Lenalee chewed her lip, maybe in an attempt to keep silent, while Lavi tried to ignore the pit settling in his stomach.

Red thought Kanda’s behavior stemmed from seeing his deformed arm. He thought Kanda was disgusted with him like everyone else. He thought Lenalee and Lavi were the same.

There goes the little bit of trust they’d established with him. Funny how easy it was for three days worth of effort to crumble to dust.

When they settled in to wash the laundry, he left to polish the props. They were quiet for several minutes, before Lenalee sniffled, and lowered the shirt she’d been scrubbing clean. “I had no idea.”

He sucked in a small breath. “..None of us did.”

“Allen’s always so...” She pursed her lips, scanning the clouds as though they held the words she couldn’t find. “Polite, and happy, I’d just assumed his life was easier than ours.”

Lavi wasn’t sure how to respond, so he let them lapse into silence. He barely focused on his task, mind reliving every interaction with Allen this past year, searching for gestures, words, body language--anything that would’ve hinted this. He got nothing but tears over Cross’s debt, and his terrifying knack for cheating. Allen was a better actor than Lavi had given him credit for. He really had them fooled. What else was he hiding behind that soft smile?

When they’d finished, the sun was setting, and cheers could be heard from inside the largest tent.

“Not gonna perform this time?”

“No.” A pause. “I want to find Allen.”

“You mean Red?” He corrected her gently.

“Y-Yeah.”

He stood, helping her up as well, and they combed the circus for signs of their friend. Red was, of course, working when they caught up. Carrying crates that were far too large and heavy for him; especially with one arm. He didn’t utter a complaint, though, nor did he ask for help, and Lavi knew he wouldn’t either.

He was about to march over and snatch the crate from Red, when, someone else beat him to it.

“Hey! What’re ya doin’!?” Red fumed after Kanda, who paid him no mind.

He set the crate with the rest, then walked past Red, picking up another.

Lavi raised an eyebrow at Lenalee, who giggled, then joined.

Kanda was such a softie. Then again, guess they all were.

Red didn’t have to lift a crate with the three of them helping, but that didn’t stop him. Lavi was glad Lenalee had suggested they find him--stubborn kid would’ve been doing this all night otherwise.

“Red!”

He jumped at the sound of his name. The Ringmaster was beckoning to him from outside the tent. Red went to him, his feet dragging in clear reluctance.

Lavi had a bad feeling about this, one that didn’t lessen when Red cast him a slight frown over his shoulder. As they faded from sight, he went to follow but stopped abruptly when Lenalee yelped.

Whipping around, he discovered she was... glowing? He rubbed his eye, convinced he was seeing things. As his hand floated to his side, it also lit up.

Kanda was glowing as well, grandfather clocks snaking across his skin.

The light grew and grew until it had enveloped the entire tent.

It got to the point it was too painful to keep his eye open, and he squeezed it shut. Pulse thrumming in his ears, hands gripping the sides of his head, he didn’t have any idea what had happened until someone grabbed his shoulder.

“Lavi!!”

The ringing in his ears he hadn’t realized was there stopped. Still hesitant, he peeled his eye open, finding it locked with a pair of silver ones.

“Ah, thank goodness!” A smile broke across the guy’s pale face, and he whipped his head around, peering over Lavi’s shoulder. “Are you guys alright!?”

“..Allen?”

He blinked, and turned back to Lavi. “Yes?”

“All.. _en!!”_ He shamelessly tackled his best friend in a hug.

He could feel Allen stiffen in his grip, but he didn’t care.

After what felt like decades, Allen awkwardly patted his shoulder blades. “Ah, hey, Lavi.. Everything...?”

“Allen!” Lenalee gasped from behind him.

Lavi took the opportunity to relinquish his death grip, and sat down.

Lenalee crawled over to them, tears brimming in her round eyes. “I’m so sorry!!”

Allen blinked owlishly, “Huh? Why?”

Kanda clucked his tongue behind them, already on his feet with a nasty glare aimed at Allen. “Beansprout.”

His confusion hardened into a glare of equal measure. At least, that aspect of his personality hadn’t changed. “Bakanda.”

Lavi could practically hear the electricity popping between them. Then, Kanda gave a brief grunt, and padded off.

Allen frowned after him, then to Lavi, who smiled tiredly in return.

“Guess we got a lot of explaining to do, huh?”

* * *

Allen told his side of the story first. He’d been about to join them when Miranda’s innocence spiraled out of control. He’d tried to pull them out, but by the time he’d reached the cocoon, they’d already vanished without a trace, and Miranda had gone comatose. He spent this past _week_ floating between the science division and Miranda’s room in the infirmary. Komui was still working on the serum, so it’d had come as a shock when he’d found them sprawled out in the hallway. Same place they’d vanished from too.

“So, there was a time gap after all..” Lavi mumbled thoughtfully. He made a mental note to jot that down later.

Allen raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean by that, Lavi? If you don’t mind my asking, where were you guys?”

Lavi exchanged a worried look with Lenalee.

“Don’t you..” She hesitated. “Remember?”

If he weren't confused enough as it was, now they’d lost him entirely.

“Remember... what?”

“Well.. ya see...”

Lavi filled him in on their time in the past-- _his_ past. Lenalee added in details here and there, and corrected Lavi when he was embellishing; wherein Allen’s mask would crack enough to allow a soft chuckle. Lavi had to give him props, his poker face remained unperturbed besides that, even when they reached the subject of Cosmos. When he’d felt Allen had the gist of it, he leaned back and studied him.

“Well..” Allen began, eyebrows knitted together. “There was that one time...”

When he noticed they were staring, he offered a tiny smile.

“Well, you see, there was this one time I got in a lot of trouble. I don’t remember the details, but Cosmos was pretty pissed. Accused me of hiring people to hurt him. He and the Ringmaster beat me so badly I lost my memories of the past month--still don’t have them back.”

Lavi’s blood went cold. He remembered the last time he’d seen Red, the worried frown he’d worn as he’d followed the Ringmaster away. Was that when--?

“That’s horrible.” Lenalee croaked.

Allen flinched. “Ah, n-not really! Please, don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal!”

“‘No big deal?’” Lavi repeated, a growl creeping into his tone. _How fucking dare they._ He wanted to find those damn clowns and throttle them.

Allen’s eyes went round, settling on his lap. A pause and the surprise faded to sadness. “It doesn’t matter anymore. The circus is gone, destroyed by the Earl.”

He nearly choked. “The _Millennium_ Earl!?”

Allen nodded, and Lenalee’s mouth fell open. “W-What happened!?”

He turned his head away, bangs shadowing over his eyes. When he met their gazes again, he was wearing a smile. “No clue. Some of the performers survived--Mana and the Ringmaster included. Cosmos had been with the two at the time so he may be alive, but I prefer not to think about that.”

Lavi nodded, slowly, and started poking his soup with his spoon. Jerry’s corn chowder was, as he expected, much better than that diner’s.

Then a thought hit him, and he gave Allen his best shiteating grin. “Oh! I almost forgot! You stole Yuu’s wallet!”

Allen brightened instantly. “I did?”

“Yeah!” He crowed, elbowing him in the ribs. “You should’ve seen the look on his face!”

The tension melted as the three dissolved into fits of laughter. Kanda, who was eating Soba at a table nearby, cast a resentful glare over his shoulder.

Lavi wrapped his arm around Allen’s neck, pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear. “Think you can do it again?”

Allen’s amusement morphed, becoming more similar to black Allen. “Of course.”

Lenalee shook her head, a sigh escaping. “You two...”

Oh, how wrong he’d been when he inferred the wallet jokes would end after a mere week or two. He could barely choke down a snicker when Allen winked and padded after Kanda, who was dumping his tray.

If he ever saw Cosmos again, he’d make sure to pummel the disgusting excuse for a clown. Same goes for the Ringmaster.

Maybe he could’ve prevented what happened to Doug, but there was nothing he could do now. But, he’d make damn he doesn’t repeat his mistake. He was never going through that again.

“Oh! Miranda’s probably awake now!” Lenalee gasped. She scooped up her tray and hurried for the trash. “We should check on her before we report to my brother.”

Lavi nodded, scraping up the last of his soup, and hurrying after her. “Let’s not mention the Allen thing.”

She blinked, then glanced at Kanda. “I don’t mind. You should tell Kanda to do the same.”

Lavi followed her gaze, finding a very aggravated Kanda patting his pockets.

Allen was long gone.

“Maybe later.”

They managed to keep their cool until they’d made it into the hallway, then they busted out laughing again. Lenalee rubbed her teary eyes and nodded in the direction of the infirmary. Miranda had just woken up when they stopped by, so the head nurse wouldn’t let them stay too long.

They told Komui about their time with Red, but never specified who he was, and made sure Kanda knew to do the same when his debriefing came. Lavi figured if Allen wanted everyone to know what his childhood was like, he would’ve said something already. Lavi knew _he_ wouldn’t want _his_ past circulating through the Order. Stuff like that was personal.

That’s why it shouldn’t come as a shock when he “forgot” to mention Red altogether while recording his experiences.

Setting his pen on his desk, he leaned back in his chair.

Maybe he and ‘Lavi’ weren’t that different after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm done! Thank you for sticking with it this long! ー( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/ I should have the next chapter up soon! Hope you enjoyed what I've written so far tho!


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